Let Go of Stress by Letting Go of Expectations of Others

When you're disappointed, frustrated, or angry with someone, you can bet that there is an expectation of them that isn't being met. You may or may not be aware of at the time.
The more you expect from others and don't receive, the greater the stress and frustration.
These conscious or unconscious demands need a little deciphering on your part. What is it that you really want or need? Why do you need that?
Often the person you are expecting something from doesn't even know what it is. Remember, they can't read your mind; also, you may not be aware of what it is you want and why it's important to you.
Be clear about why and what you want from others and then be willing to let go of the outcome. Here are a few examples of expectations of others; see if any of these ring any bells for you.
So and so "should"...
help out morebe nicerstop procrastinatingcall mebe there for melisten to meknow what I need or want without me telling themrecognize or appreciate what I do for thembe on timeoffer assistancedo choresnot be dishonestbe a better person- friend, family member, partner, child, boss, co-workerlike/love meunderstand menot expect me to do thingschangebe gratefulbe happiernot make the same mistakes againknow better
Do any of these sound familiar? Perhaps some other ones became apparent as you read the list.
You may even have different expectations for different people. When they aren't living up to your wishes, the end result is still the same, disappointment, frustration, anger, hurt, resentment, sadness and so on. This all adds up to extra stress in your life.
The moment you consciously or unconsciously place an expectation on someone, you have a hidden agenda and that agenda is to meet your needs, wants or desires.
The only person that needs to meet your requirements is you! Sure, it would be nice if people did or said things without you having to ask them, or the way you wanted things to be, but that's not always the case, so what do you do?
Try putting the word "I" before the list of phrases above. Hmm... now that makes a lot more sense. How many of these are you doing for you? How about for others?
Maybe you are already doing some things and, since you're doing them you presume that others should also. Or you have told the person what you want and he/she still isn't doing it and you think he/she should. Or he/she is doing something but not the way you want. Either way it all adds up to expectations-yours.
You can ask someone to change his/her ways, or be more or do more, and they may or may not concede; but when you let go of the expectation, then things happen as they do and not as you believe they "should".
The only person that needs to change is you; or at least your reaction or response to others when they aren't living up to what you would like is a good start to letting it go.
Take the word "should" out of your vocabulary and replace it with the word "could". The word "could" holds much less expectation and leaves it open for possibilities not disappointment.
For example, Mary is always late; she should be on time; transforms to Mary could be on time but she isn't today. I appreciate that I am a punctual person.
Take notice of how you feel when someone is late. Where do you go with your thoughts?
Listen to what surfaces for you when someone doesn't measure up to your beliefs and standards. Maybe you feel unloved, unappreciated, unworthy, not respected, not heard, etc. What can you do for you that helps you feel the opposite of the way you are feeling? What are you doing for that person that helps them feel the way you would like to feel?
Using the example of someone being late, you can be upset that the person is late or you could spend the time reading, writing, or centering yourself before they arrive, etc. Quite a different approach to someones tardiness, isn't it?
If you know a person is always 15 minutes late then you can slow down and not rush to be there and give yourself the extra time getting there, or let go of the expectation that he/she will be on time and enjoy divine timing instead.
You can explain why being on time or anything else is important to you, and even go so far as to tell them how you feel when they don't do what you ask of them but that doesn't mean that they will change their ways.
When you share your feelings, do you presume people should do things differently and if they truly cared, they would do what you asked of them?
Check in to see if you value yourself. Often people don't feel they deserve what they are asking for and therefore never ask, or when they do, they squash the positive with a negative before it even has a chance to manifest.
Remember, just as you have beliefs of how things should be, others also have beliefs of how they should be and they more than likely will differ.
When we understand ourselves better, we are given an opportunity to understand others better as well. We aren't that different. Just our beliefs, perceptions and expectations are.
Can you let go of the expectation of others today?
Can you let go of how things "should" be?
If you can, you will find your stress letting go right along with it.
The Insight Technique assists you being clear as to what your expectations are, how they affect you when they aren't met, and what you can do to let them go.
Kimberley Cohen is the Founder, Facilitator and Personal Insight Coach of The Insight Technique&trade.
Sign up today for your FREE Special Report - 3 Key Insights That Can Change Your Life! http://www.theinsighttechnique.com/
Kimberley is certified in Body Mind Counselling, Process Oriented Body Work and Spiritual Psychotherapy and Polarity Therapy. She founded the Insight Technique? - Your Insight to genuine Happiness, Purpose and Prosperity to assist herself and others in transforming limiting mindsets.
Soar through the limiting beliefs holding you back and experience the freedom of unlimited possibilities. http://www.theinsighttechnique.com/
View the original article here

Lack of Success Does Not = Failure

If you perceive all instances where you were not successful as failure, you are probably pretty miserable. This is faulty reasoning. Most people do not get something right the first time. Most people do not even get it all right the second time. Do you think that Edison invented the light bulb on his first try? If he had decided not to try the second, third, and hundredth time because he had failed, we would all still be living in the dark.
It is not true that not trying protects you from failure. Not trying could be perceived as failure. Further, there is no truth to the belief that failure leads to embarrassment. It is time to challenge that illogical automatic through.
EFT is a great tool to use to change this type of thinking. Say the following statement aloud. "If I don't try, I don't risk the embarrassment of failure." Rate the intensity of this believe on the 0-10 point scale and record your rating.
Repeat this statement three times while tapping gently on the karate chop point. "Even though I believe I can avoid the embarrassment of failure by not trying anything - I choose to love, forgive, and accept myself and all of my limiting beliefs."
Use a different statement while tapping on each of the eight tapping points.
Eyebrow - "I don't want to feel embarrassed."
Side of Eye - "And I will feel embarrassed if I fail."
Under the Eye - "So I keep myself safe by not trying at all."
Nose - "But it doesn't keep me safe."
Chin - "And it doesn't avoid failure."
Collarbone - "And I am embarrassed anyway."
Under the Arm - "I believe I will fail."
Top of Head - "I KNOW I will fail."
Eyebrow - "I can predict the future."
Side of Eye - "My failure is certain."
Under the Eye - "My failure is absolute."
Nose - "No it's not!"
Chin - "Not trying is failure."
Collarbone - "It is safe to try."
Under the Arm - "I can e successful."
Top of Head - "I KNOW I can take risks and succeed."
Take a deep breath and check the intensity of your original statement. "If I don't try, I don't risk the embarrassment of failure." Record the intensity. Continue tapping with these statements until your rating is quite low.
What happens inside you when you think about the number of times you have failed at something before? Is it a negative feeling? Is it a positive feeling? Is it neutral? My hope for you is that it is either neutral or positive, but I suspect you will really feel more negative. So you have failed. I say "good", that means you have tried something. Do you have a number in your head for how many times it is okay to fail at something before you should give up? Is that number the same as the number o times that you think it is okay for other people to try something before they give up? If there is a difference, try to understand why. That will probably be something to write down in your tapping journal for later.
Dr. Leanna Manuel is the director and supervising psychologist for CCA Companies, LLC. Dr. Manuel is a graduate of Wright State University School of Professional Psychology and has experience in medical and mental health care settings. She was a featured psychologist on MTV: True Life. Check out the blog at http://drleannamanuel.com/ for more EFT tapping sequences.

View the original article here

Are You On A Negative Spiral?

What is a negative spiral? It's when a whole pile of negative thoughts, emotions or physical happenings in your life just pile up and it becomes too much. You get so immersed in it that you think that this is what your life is all about and it will never end and it's all so very, very real. We've all had them. They can last a week or two but sometimes they last months, years.

So what do we do when we get caught in one of these? The first thing is to realise what is happening and take responsibility for it. It's probably all been building up for a while. Things like this don't just happen overnight. They build up slowly and what happens is that negative energy attracts negative energy like a magnet. This creates a chain of events, thoughts, feelings and before you know it you are saturated with that negative energy.

It is important to look at what is happening and make a note of what meaning you can get out of it. Is there anything positive you can glean from all this stuff you are going through? It is your choice as to how you handle what happens. You can be negative and stay feeling bad or look at the positive side which may just get you feeling a little better and help you shift perspective to the bigger picture. This involves being proactive and seeing how this situation could actually serve you in some way. Make a list of how you can turn it around and what can you gain in terms of appreciation of the changes it can help you make in your life?

The reason you need to do the above is because if you can glean the positive you have a chance to turn it all round. How? Well remember the movie 'What the Bleep' and 'The secret'? It's all true. It's all about energy. Positive stuff gives out positive vibrations. Everything in this universe has a vibrational field and negativity is like a mobile phone signal going out to the universe just attracting more of the same stuff. That's how a downward spiral picks up speed. One feeling attracts another, then another and before you know it you have a full set growing more intense by the moment.

The good thing is that the same happens with positive thoughts and emotions. You can correct a negative spiral by interrupting the pattern. Turn it around by choosing a slightly better way of thinking which will give you a slightly better feeling which will attract a better event. This will in turn give you an even more positive thought, a more positive feeling and start a whole series of positive events to flow in your direction.

You need to consciously realise there are ways to overcome the negativity in your life no matter what situation you have created for yourself. It is possible to lift yourself out of it by opening up your thinking and letting something new come into your thoughts. Look at all the possibilities and let yourself imagine the problem or situation is solved then follow that through with action.

Believe and focus on the positive. Shift your emphasis to what you want instead of complaining and worrying about what you don't want. Soon you will find positive things will start to happen more and more quickly because you have produced a positive 'magnet'. Quieten yourself down, tune into your inner self and listen to your heart. Be honest with yourself and then follow through on what you know inside you really need to do. Just do it! It may take some persistence, a new attitude and a bit of hard work but it can happen if you do it consistently. You must move towards the things that you really want because they won't come to you if you just sit there. You have an active role in manifesting your own life so you must trust yourself to do what is right for you. Once you have done that, do the next thing, then the next and you will find you are no longer lost in negativity. One day you will reach the end of your trail and bingo! How many dreams did you fulfil in the meantime?

View the original article here

How To Find Out Why You Feel Tired All The Time

Are you feeling tired, sluggish, and a little low? Have you been to you doctors and had blood tests done to see what might be the problem? You get all excited because you think that finally a reason is going to be found for the horrible way you are feeling. But, even though you have a lot of the your Doc tells you that everything is normal.

Being Proactive with Subclinical Health Problems

The person with a subclinical condition will tell you that something is "not quite right". They may have numerous vague symptoms such as abnormal moods, poor energy levels, sleep problems or a few more aches and pains than normal.. At this stage the blood tests that your doctor has ordered may not reveal any major abnormalities. Sometimes the results of a blood test will be described as "border line normal".

One example of a poorly understood and poorly treated condition is subclinical hypothyroidism. Subclinical hypothyroidism is a condition where your Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) levels are raised. The role of TSH is to stimulate the thyroid - the organ that controls your body's metabolism. A raised level cannot be viewed as "normal", as the reason why it is raised is to force the thyroid to continue producing the correct amount of T4. This is why a "normal" level of T4 is found in subclinical hypothyroidism.

But sooner or later, the over production of TSH, fails to stimulate the production of T4 and hypothyroidism is diagnosed. Your body is in many ways, much like a car. If the radiator has a slow leak, sooner or later the engine will overheat, and you will have a real problem on your hands.

Early detection of a developing health problem will always produce better results for your longterm health. In the case of subclinical hypothyroidism, it generally progresses to hypothyroidism unless it is treated. Some doctors will treat a borderline condition, however the majority will not. Research has found however, that treating a subclinical disorder can prevent hypothyroidism, so it is wise to take some type of action.

Other Treatment and Testing Options to Consider

Often the problem is that the right tests are not ordered. Your doctor is not always to blame here, as what they do and what tests they order are monitored. Any test that is not standard will be scrutinized and can indeed mean that your doctor is reprimanded. What this means then, is that you need to seek help from a private practitioner who can freely order whatever tests you need.

I would strongly encourage you to pursue other forms of treatment and testing if you know something is brewing. My suggestion is that you gain advice from a natural therapist who will guide you through the whole testing and treatment process or that you purchase a book about energy and fatigue to use as a reference resource.

There are numerous tests that can be done to evaluate the state of your health and correct imbalances before disease occurs. A test that I find particularly useful in practice is a Hair Mineral Tissue Analysis. This hair test may for example, reveal that a person has a low zinc to copper ratio or a low iron to copper ratio which increases the likelihood of thyroid problems developing and subsequently causes fatigue. Alternatively low magnesium might be discovered and this would indicate that your "energy powerhouses" are deficient of the fuel they need to produce energy".

Fortunately preventative or alternative medicine practitioners are aware that the way you feel, is an indication of how healthy you are. To a natural health practitioner, fatigue is a real indication of an imbalance or a health problem.

Having knowledge is empowering and when it comes to health care, if you aren't proactive in looking after your health who else will be? When you have a basic understanding of how your body works, what tests and alternative treatments are available, you become the driver of your health. You are not at the mercy of health care system that fails to address the prevention of disease effectively.

The preventative, investigative approach allows health issues to be corrected before they progress to more serious conditions. Now that's a good health outcome! 

Vivienne Savill is a Naturopath and Nurse who runs a natural health clinic in Australia. She is passionate about teaching people how to maintain good health and prevent ill health, through the use of diet, nutrition, lifestyle and herbs. Vivienne is the author of numerous health books. Her book How to Increase Energy Naturally: The Energy Makeover can be found at http://www.recipetohealth.com/

View the original article here