Saying "no" without feeling guilty sounds like great advice but doesn't always seem to be that easy. What makes saying "No" sometimes feel like you are a horrible person? It's because of how you feel towards yourself that makes guilt such an easily accessible emotion.
The feelings of guilt when you don't accept to do something for someone else stems from the feeling of crossing that personal boundary. You know deep down that your energies would be better spent on other projects or at a later time. Your guilt stems from you stepping on your own self-esteem.
Learning to say "No" without feeling guilty boils down to one thing, a healthy dose of self-esteem. When you have a healthy level of self-esteem, you learn to identify when you overstep your personal boundaries by doing too much, saying "yes" too often. Saying yes all the time is a habit, a chronic habit of refusing to take care of yourself first. You sacrifice your own energy and down time moments when you always accept things that don't vibe with your spirit. No one can be all and do it all, all the time. Rest and recuperation are equal parts of the creation process. When you don't respect this vital part of your person, your self-esteem takes a blow and the feelings of guilt surge up from within you.
But people count and depend on you right? This seems like a valid point but if you are always doing for others, when are they going to learn to take care of themselves and do it for themselves? Of course, your small children need you. Yes, your aging parents need more attention now than before but you still have to take care of you. If you are always saying yes to them, then when do others say, "OK, I'll do that for you"?
One process to begin moving in a direction of feeling less guilty when you say no to someone is to start being honest, to yourself and to that person asking. You don't have to be ugly or sound excessively selfish, but it's important to begin letting other people know that you wouldn't be able to perform that request with your best energies. You can also be honest and say that you have other commitments that you need to honor first. Yes, that means the commitment to honor yourself, take care of yourself and feel energetic enough to do any other actions to the best of your abilities.
When you don't honor yourself and your health, your own time and personal commitments to a joyful life, your self-esteem suffers.
"Anne Dessens is the founder of AnneDessens.com - your one-link to everything 'self-improvement': diet, recipes, running & walking, deep breathing, success, journaling, energy and universal laws.
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This article has been viewed 11 time(s). Article Submitted On: April 03, 2011
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