Have you ever just wanted to smack someone for the words that flew out of their mouth? I have - especially when people focus on the issue of my weight. When you are living with CF (or any disease for that matter), you hear it all. Sentences like these fly out of people's mouths all the time without a second thought:
"You look good - last time I saw you, you looked pretty chubby!"
"I liked how you looked when you were taking birth control - you had some chubbiness in your face then!"
"Eat something - you're so thin! Turn sideways and you almost disappear!"
"Gee, it must be nice to eat anything you want and look like that!"
*SMACK!*
Ok, I didn't really smack anyone. In fact, in each circumstance, I think I bit my tongue and pasted a smile on my face and answered as politely as possible, "thanking" them for the "compliment", or just walked away. Inside though, I was close to tears and seriously offended. How dare they speak those words! They have no idea what my life is like or how I feel or how I struggle! And by the way, make up your mind, am I chubby or am I skinny?!
Have you ever felt that way?
Last week I asked the following question on Facebook, and I was overwhelmed by the responses that came pouring in.
How does it make you feel when people focus on how much weight you've gained or lost?
Here are some of the answers that you gave:
"Well when people focus on dumb stuff like that. I don't know whether to pity them or laugh at them for being so shallow."
"Whenever I see my family they mention something about my weight. It makes me sad."
"Personally, it drives me crazy when the doctor congratulates me on gaining weight. Didn't you tell me to lose weight last month? Pick a direction already!"
"I love it when the diabetes doctors and the CF doctors give me completely contradictory advice on what to eat and how much. I try not to get too bent out of shape because it doesn't do anything but stress me out."
"When people comment on my daughter's weight, it makes me feel like a horrible mom."
The truth is the opinions of others can really hurt. They can keep us stuck in a world of confusion and self-hate because we just can't seem to measure up to what everyone else expects. But there's hope! Let me share with you some tips that have really helped me overcome this debilitating setback.
1. Feed Your Mind with Truth
We are told in the Bible to "focus on what is good and what is true." (Philippians 4:8) So...what is good in your life? What is the truth about YOU?
Here's some truth for you. Your size does not change your value or your worth. YOU are amazing and beautiful just the way you are! You were not made for a life of sickness and disease; in fact, you were designed to be a light and inspire others with your strength and tenacity. Whether you are tiny, large, or the perfect weight according to medical statistics, YOU are beautiful!
Sadly, many times we hear the opposite day in and day out. People speak without thinking how their words will affect us. Many of them mean well and think they are actually helping us, and some of them may even be a little jealous so they give us a "compliment" that comes out wrapped in sarcasm. The bottom line is it hurts. And at the end of the day, the only person you are stuck listening to over and over again is yourself.
Somebody said it perfectly today on social media, "Weight seems to be everyone's issue. No one will ever be truly satisfied with themselves unless they tackle what they see in the mirror and say to themselves "I am beautiful! I love my body! God loves me and thinks I'm beautiful too!"
Changing the tape that plays inside your head is going to take some time and persistence. Don't know where to start? I highly suggest you plug into mentors like Dani Johnson and Sandi Krakowski. Listen to them often! I listen to each of them several times a week, and if I'm struggling with my own internal radio station (i.e. my thoughts) I listen three to four hours a day!
Listen while you're sleeping, while you're making dinner, getting ready for the day, driving the kids to school, picking the kids up... and listen in a closed room with a notebook and pen. Feed your mind the TRUTH DAILY! Overcoming CF, weight issues, and other diseases depends heavily on your frame of mind.
2. Pay Attention to What Your Body Is Telling You
You are the only person who really knows your body. Have you ever been told that? Many times, when we are living with CF and disease, we depend so heavily on reports from doctors that we forget to listen to our own bodies. Your body is speaking to you. What is it saying?
Are you tired and weak? Are you constantly getting headaches or colds? If so, that's your body trying to tell you something!
If you've recently changed your eating habits and started exercising, what is your body telling you now? You might find that you have more energy and you are stronger. You might also find that because of all the running, you lost some weight. How do you feel about that? Doctors and family members will have their own opinions and suggestions and even fears, but the reality is this: YOU are the one living in your body. YOU know how you feel!
Right now, let's take a quick journey down a side street, shall we? Grab a pen and paper and write down the answer to this question: How do I measure the quality of my life?
If you answer that question with "having more energy to do the things that I want to do and need to do," then stand up for that answer and walk proudly in how you look and feel. You are the only one who knows how strong your body is and what makes you feel better or worse so pay attention to what your body is telling you!
3. Forgive Those Who Have Said Hurtful Things to You
Ouch. This one hurts a little, doesn't it? You're probably thinking things like:
"I don't want to forgive them! They should apologize to me first!"
This is how we feel when we've been hurt by people, whether they are family, friends, or even medical professionals. The truth is we keep ourselves in bondage when we don't forgive them. That bondage can often make us sick, thus prolonging the healing that is waiting for us. Unforgiveness can keep our bodies from moving toward a healthier lifestyle and it traps our minds from seeing the truth of who we really are.
Maybe you're wondering how I can identify with you and know so much about this. I've walked this painful, beautiful road, myself. I've had to forgive many people for words they've said to me about my weight and how I look. Up until six months ago, I didn't believe I was beautiful because I believed and dwelled on the words that others spoke over me. I felt amazing, had more energy than I ever had before, was running further than I ever had before, and yet... no one seemed to celebrate that with me. They all seemed to focus on the little bit of weight that I had lost because of my new found energy. It wasn't until I started implementing these three tips that things began to change. Today, I feel confident of who I am, how I look, and how I feel.
There's hope for you too! Feed your mind with truth. Pay attention to what your body tells you. Forgive those who have said hurtful things to you. Practice implementing these three tips every day and you will overcome CF, disease, and this issue of weight!
Child of God, loving wife, mom to her Shih Tzu Ajah, daughter, business owner, and artist are only a few of the countless hats Mandy B. Anderson wears on a daily basis. She is an overcomer and a goal achiever. Mandy walks the walk. She has brightened the lives of many with her smile and gifts of beauty, encouragement, and order. As you listen to her music and story, may it inspire and bless you as it has many others. Receive your free copy today of Mandy's song "Still Breathing" at http://www.mandybanderson.com/.
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